Yesterday, a student of mine used my computer to log into his Facebook account to show me a picture of the piece of art he had created for a fundraiser at his school (he's very talented, btw), and in doing so, he logged me out of my "professional" Facebook account-- the one I use to maintain the Facebook page for my work. I figured I would just log back into that account when I need to post something on the Facebook page.
I figured wrong.
This morning, I received an email from Facebook letting me know that our Facebook page had a few "likes" and "views", but when I logged in to check it out, Facebook redirected me to my previously deactivated personal Facebook page-- without even prompting me for a password! I received an email welcoming me back, and I was face to face with my old account and all of the meshugas I have been trying to avoid for the past month and a half.
In the past couple weeks, I have really come to embrace my decision to leave Facebook. I feel freer and lighter, with more time to focus on the things I want to focus on, and while I know that people are posting ignorant, hateful things on Facebook, I don't have to see those posts. I no longer read a post and obsess about whether I should respond or not, and what I would say, and what that person might say back to me.
I'm not ready to go back.
And the sinking feeling in my stomach when I realized what had happened confirmed that.
So I re-deactivated my Facebook, for an unknown period of time! Here's to taking charge of my own experiences!
Friday, October 23, 2015
Friday, October 16, 2015
Day 34
30 Days has come and gone, and I have been so busy the past week that I haven't even had time to think about the fact that I'm not on Facebook anymore. I am feeling more focused and clearheaded, and in a way, less encumbered. I am enjoying being able to experience the world on my terms, in my time, when I'm ready for it. Sure, I hate it when people seem to know things that I don't know, because it was announced on Facebook, but I also like not having to deal with everyone's angry and annoying posts all the time. I think I'll keep this going for a little while longer, and see what happens. Who knows, maybe I'll even starting calling people on the phone!
Friday, October 9, 2015
Day 27
It's getting close to the end now, and I am not even really sure what the point of my little experiment was. I'm probably calmer and more focused during the day for not having to deal with peoples' pseudo-liberal political indignation, resentment, and finger pointing. I'm definitely not getting involved in discussions that upset me, or that I feel are not handled delicately enough. But, I'm also not any better of a person. I'm still turning on my computer and mindlessly typing in www.facebook.com before realizing what I'm doing and writing a different URL instead. Maybe it's habit or muscle memory, or maybe it's part of a bigger problem...
The question I keep coming back to, however, is how do I graciously return to Facebook, after I made such a public announcement about us breaking up? What will people think of me? I never said I was planning to stay away forever, but I didn't exactly tell people I'd be back either. The fact that I am concerned with what people will think of me and how they will react to my return lets me know that I'm not ready to enter that world again... but it's pretty lonely out here.
The question I keep coming back to, however, is how do I graciously return to Facebook, after I made such a public announcement about us breaking up? What will people think of me? I never said I was planning to stay away forever, but I didn't exactly tell people I'd be back either. The fact that I am concerned with what people will think of me and how they will react to my return lets me know that I'm not ready to enter that world again... but it's pretty lonely out here.
Wednesday, October 7, 2015
Day 25
The Jewish holiday season is finally over, and I have a few thoughts that I've been yearning to share.
Firstly, I am really starting to miss being on Facebook. I don't feel like I've become any more mindful than I was before, and I'm definitely not changing as a person. I haven't picked up a phone to call a friend even once during this whole time. I'm hoping I can just blame it on the crazy Jewish holiday season, but I know deep down that I'm at fault here. I have just been mindlessly wasting my time on other internet sites; the only difference is that I'm doing it alone, without a community of people to share my thoughts and discoveries with.
I have been strongly considering returning to Facebook after my little "cleanse" is over, and I have to say that I am disappointed. I had really hoped that I would be a strong hold out, discover that I loved being away from that world, and never go back!
Secondly, this past week, there was another devastating mass shooting--this time in Oregon. I am always deeply affected by tragedies such as this, and I truly hurt as if I was somehow directly connected to the victims, even though, so far, I have had no personal connection... It's part of being a Highly Sensitive Person, or HSP (you can read more here: http://hsperson.com/) I think this is one of the many reasons Facebook has become too overwhelming for me.
Usually, in the wake of tragedies like this one, people take to social media to express their outrage and indignation. Some people post in memory of the victims or in solidarity with the community, but a lot of people use Facebook as a platform to condemn the status quo and call for change. Often, these calls for change are misguided.
If I were on Facebook, this is what I would have seen while scrolling through my newsfeed this past week:
1. Many, many news articles and images of the event
2. People condemning people posting news articles that mention the shooter's name, and instead posting names and background about the victims.
3. People calling for gun law reform.
4. People condemning those calling for gun law reform, telling them they shouldn't make this a political issue and should express their support for the victims and community.
5. People calling for changes in the way we handle mental health in this country.
6. People condemning those calling for changes in the way we handle mental health...
Facebook, which could be used as a community of support in a dark time, becomes a battle ground, with each person more liberally self-righteous than the next. By not being on Facebook, I was able to read the news articles I wanted to read, when I wanted to read them, and to avoid the opinionated backlash. This was definitely something I appreciated about NOT being on Facebook, even if it means I miss out on the fun stuff like listicles and videos of cats.
Firstly, I am really starting to miss being on Facebook. I don't feel like I've become any more mindful than I was before, and I'm definitely not changing as a person. I haven't picked up a phone to call a friend even once during this whole time. I'm hoping I can just blame it on the crazy Jewish holiday season, but I know deep down that I'm at fault here. I have just been mindlessly wasting my time on other internet sites; the only difference is that I'm doing it alone, without a community of people to share my thoughts and discoveries with.
I have been strongly considering returning to Facebook after my little "cleanse" is over, and I have to say that I am disappointed. I had really hoped that I would be a strong hold out, discover that I loved being away from that world, and never go back!
Secondly, this past week, there was another devastating mass shooting--this time in Oregon. I am always deeply affected by tragedies such as this, and I truly hurt as if I was somehow directly connected to the victims, even though, so far, I have had no personal connection... It's part of being a Highly Sensitive Person, or HSP (you can read more here: http://hsperson.com/) I think this is one of the many reasons Facebook has become too overwhelming for me.
Usually, in the wake of tragedies like this one, people take to social media to express their outrage and indignation. Some people post in memory of the victims or in solidarity with the community, but a lot of people use Facebook as a platform to condemn the status quo and call for change. Often, these calls for change are misguided.
If I were on Facebook, this is what I would have seen while scrolling through my newsfeed this past week:
1. Many, many news articles and images of the event
2. People condemning people posting news articles that mention the shooter's name, and instead posting names and background about the victims.
3. People calling for gun law reform.
4. People condemning those calling for gun law reform, telling them they shouldn't make this a political issue and should express their support for the victims and community.
5. People calling for changes in the way we handle mental health in this country.
6. People condemning those calling for changes in the way we handle mental health...
Facebook, which could be used as a community of support in a dark time, becomes a battle ground, with each person more liberally self-righteous than the next. By not being on Facebook, I was able to read the news articles I wanted to read, when I wanted to read them, and to avoid the opinionated backlash. This was definitely something I appreciated about NOT being on Facebook, even if it means I miss out on the fun stuff like listicles and videos of cats.
Thursday, October 1, 2015
Day 19
I have been thinking lately about the way social media is helping regular people, doing regular things, become famous. People are being noticed for doing things that happen often, like being proud to be themselves, being kind to other people, standing up for each other, or reuniting with lost friends and family (which, by the way, is happening with the help of Facebook and social media). It's crazy the way that the internet and social media are inundating us with the details and complexities of regular people's lives.
What is the cost of this sudden fame, for people who are just living their lives and being regular people doing regular things? And what is our role, the consumers, in all of this? It's nice to see heart warming stories about people standing up for others or not being afraid to love themselves, because the news is filled with anger, sadness, and tragedy. But what does it say about society that the internet has the power to make people famous simply because some people like or agree with a person's message? Is this a side effect of the narcissism that millenials and those who grew up with internet are accused of having? Or is this something more, something deeply moving and personal, allowing people to connect with each other's experiences when we previously thought we were alone? Is it inspirational, or is it sad?
I clearly have more questions about this than answers. I'm not sure how I feel, except that I know that without Facebook, it's a lot harder for me to keep up with rapidly changing pop culture.
What is the cost of this sudden fame, for people who are just living their lives and being regular people doing regular things? And what is our role, the consumers, in all of this? It's nice to see heart warming stories about people standing up for others or not being afraid to love themselves, because the news is filled with anger, sadness, and tragedy. But what does it say about society that the internet has the power to make people famous simply because some people like or agree with a person's message? Is this a side effect of the narcissism that millenials and those who grew up with internet are accused of having? Or is this something more, something deeply moving and personal, allowing people to connect with each other's experiences when we previously thought we were alone? Is it inspirational, or is it sad?
I clearly have more questions about this than answers. I'm not sure how I feel, except that I know that without Facebook, it's a lot harder for me to keep up with rapidly changing pop culture.
Wednesday, September 30, 2015
Day 18
Ok, now I'm starting to feel like I'm missing out on something... This past Sunday night there was a lunar eclipse, which resulted in the moon appearing red for a little while. It was the kind of cool astronomy event that happens very rarely, and I had no idea about it until it was too late. I would have gone to bed completely ignorant, but I was on duty in my residence hall, which meant that I was hanging out in our lounge with the residents who were all talking about "seeing the moon." When I asked how everyone knew that it was happening, they told me "Facebook." Pictures of the event are all over the internet now.
For the past three days, I felt like I was hiding in a little hole dug in the ground, away from technology and social media, since it was the holiday of Sukkot where the use of these things are forbidden. Last night, after the holiday ended, I was thrilled to reemerge and greet society. It seems, however, that my highly anticipated return was not as triumphant as I had imagined-- Since I'm not on Facebook, it didn't really feel like I was reemerging into anything. It actually sort of still feels like I'm hiding in that hole.
Sure, I am freely browsing the internet, checking my email, texting friends, and keeping up with Instagram, but it somehow still feels like I'm tucked away in a hidden corner of society... I guess when I left Facebook, I was giving up the good with the bad.
For the past three days, I felt like I was hiding in a little hole dug in the ground, away from technology and social media, since it was the holiday of Sukkot where the use of these things are forbidden. Last night, after the holiday ended, I was thrilled to reemerge and greet society. It seems, however, that my highly anticipated return was not as triumphant as I had imagined-- Since I'm not on Facebook, it didn't really feel like I was reemerging into anything. It actually sort of still feels like I'm hiding in that hole.
Sure, I am freely browsing the internet, checking my email, texting friends, and keeping up with Instagram, but it somehow still feels like I'm tucked away in a hidden corner of society... I guess when I left Facebook, I was giving up the good with the bad.
Friday, September 25, 2015
Day 13
I'm still not completely free of the impulse to log into Facebook. I catch myself reaching for my phone, with an intent to check Facebook, before I remember that I deactivated my account. And when I type in websites to visit online, I often find myself absent-mindedly typing in "facebook.com", although I always catch and correct myself before it's too late!
As I was going through my friend list, before I left Facebook, in order to record and remember peoples' birthdays, I was struck by just how many people I'm friends with on Facebook, who were actually not nice to me as a child. These are people who either never spoke to me, or were mean to me when we did interact. Why on Earth would these people want to be friends with me on Facebook? Do they actually care about me and what's going on in my life? And why did I bother to accept their friend requests? Did I think I was somehow being the bigger person, more mature?
People from camp are the biggest culprit. People who never even said two words to me when I was a camper in their edah found me and friended me on Facebook. We still never speak, and I can't imagine that they are all that interested in what I have to share. If and when I reactivate my Facebook account, I will have to do a thorough cleanse of the negative people in my Facebook world, keeping just those who truly care about me on my list of friends.
As I was going through my friend list, before I left Facebook, in order to record and remember peoples' birthdays, I was struck by just how many people I'm friends with on Facebook, who were actually not nice to me as a child. These are people who either never spoke to me, or were mean to me when we did interact. Why on Earth would these people want to be friends with me on Facebook? Do they actually care about me and what's going on in my life? And why did I bother to accept their friend requests? Did I think I was somehow being the bigger person, more mature?
People from camp are the biggest culprit. People who never even said two words to me when I was a camper in their edah found me and friended me on Facebook. We still never speak, and I can't imagine that they are all that interested in what I have to share. If and when I reactivate my Facebook account, I will have to do a thorough cleanse of the negative people in my Facebook world, keeping just those who truly care about me on my list of friends.
Thursday, September 24, 2015
Day 12
On Kol Nidre, the Rabbi spoke about technology and social media, and how they are preventing us from listening to each other and making meaningful connections. He described a scene where a family of five, out to dinner at a restaurant, sat together at a table, each staring at their own personal device, ignoring the presence of the rest of the family members. He also brought in examples of the importance of listening in Jewish tradition, including when G-d heard Ishmael's cry after Abraham banished him and Hagar to the wilderness, and he spoke about the mitzvah of hearing the Torah.
Until Tuesday night, I was unable to put into words exactly why I felt that I needed a break from Facebook-- what, in particular, was making Facebook a negative space for me? The Rabbi's sermon really spoke to me. He told us how social scientists are exploring the "that's just like me, I-" phenomena where people engaged in conversation believe that by responding "that's just like me, I--" they are agreeing with the speaker and moving the conversation forward. Instead, they are really just taking the time to speak about themselves without spending any effort trying to understand a more nuanced version of what their partner is saying.
Facebook is the epitome of the "that's just like me, I--" conversation. Everyone is busy updating everyone else about their lives, but no one takes the time to listen to what people are saying. People are more interested in sharing about themselves than they are in hearing about others. It's actually a weird situation when you think about it-- here we have a social media platform that encourages dialogue and connects communities, but if everyone is busy sharing, and no one is listening, then who are you sharing to? What are you sharing for? What, exactly, is the point?
Facebook could be such a powerful tool if people listened to others more than they shared about themselves. If people who posted were genuinely interested in the dialogue that could follow, and were prepared to respond in thoughtful, respectful ways. Imagine what that community could be.
Until Tuesday night, I was unable to put into words exactly why I felt that I needed a break from Facebook-- what, in particular, was making Facebook a negative space for me? The Rabbi's sermon really spoke to me. He told us how social scientists are exploring the "that's just like me, I-" phenomena where people engaged in conversation believe that by responding "that's just like me, I--" they are agreeing with the speaker and moving the conversation forward. Instead, they are really just taking the time to speak about themselves without spending any effort trying to understand a more nuanced version of what their partner is saying.
Facebook is the epitome of the "that's just like me, I--" conversation. Everyone is busy updating everyone else about their lives, but no one takes the time to listen to what people are saying. People are more interested in sharing about themselves than they are in hearing about others. It's actually a weird situation when you think about it-- here we have a social media platform that encourages dialogue and connects communities, but if everyone is busy sharing, and no one is listening, then who are you sharing to? What are you sharing for? What, exactly, is the point?
Facebook could be such a powerful tool if people listened to others more than they shared about themselves. If people who posted were genuinely interested in the dialogue that could follow, and were prepared to respond in thoughtful, respectful ways. Imagine what that community could be.
Tuesday, September 22, 2015
Day 10
I am one-third of the way there!
One of the hardest parts that I'm noticing, is when I find a funny article or post online, and I want to share it with the world, I have no outlet for doing so. There are certain articles which I email directly to the people who I think would appreciate them, but there are other articles which I think would appeal to a wider audience and I have no way of spreading the joy.
But then again... what even is my motivation for wanting to post these links in the first place? I don't really have the energy to get into it on a deep psychological level, so for now, I'll just say that I think people would enjoy and appreciate the things that I would share, which is why I would do so. The world could use more laughs and I want to help spread the joy! But I guess without Facebook, I'll have to take a more targeted approach.
Meanwhile, my phone-calendar is reminding me when peoples' birthdays are, and so far I've been able to text or email each person (as long as their birthday isn't on a holiday). The responses I've received to my emailed-birthday wishes are extremely positive and grateful-- as if taking the time to email is a step up from posting on Facebook (which I think it is). Or maybe people are impressed that I'm remembering their birthdays even without the help of Facebook. Either way, I'm glad people are appreciating the effort. It makes it worth it.
Yom Kippur starts tonight, and I have another 25 hour period of not checking the internet, followed by Shabbat Friday-Saturday and Sukkot which starts Sunday evening and continues through Tuesday evening. These are days during which I would not be on Facebook anyway, so I don't think I'll miss it... I think the key is to just have something else to do during the times that I feel like I need to check my Facebook.
One of the hardest parts that I'm noticing, is when I find a funny article or post online, and I want to share it with the world, I have no outlet for doing so. There are certain articles which I email directly to the people who I think would appreciate them, but there are other articles which I think would appeal to a wider audience and I have no way of spreading the joy.
But then again... what even is my motivation for wanting to post these links in the first place? I don't really have the energy to get into it on a deep psychological level, so for now, I'll just say that I think people would enjoy and appreciate the things that I would share, which is why I would do so. The world could use more laughs and I want to help spread the joy! But I guess without Facebook, I'll have to take a more targeted approach.
Meanwhile, my phone-calendar is reminding me when peoples' birthdays are, and so far I've been able to text or email each person (as long as their birthday isn't on a holiday). The responses I've received to my emailed-birthday wishes are extremely positive and grateful-- as if taking the time to email is a step up from posting on Facebook (which I think it is). Or maybe people are impressed that I'm remembering their birthdays even without the help of Facebook. Either way, I'm glad people are appreciating the effort. It makes it worth it.
Yom Kippur starts tonight, and I have another 25 hour period of not checking the internet, followed by Shabbat Friday-Saturday and Sukkot which starts Sunday evening and continues through Tuesday evening. These are days during which I would not be on Facebook anyway, so I don't think I'll miss it... I think the key is to just have something else to do during the times that I feel like I need to check my Facebook.
Monday, September 21, 2015
Day 9
I have officially passed the one-week mark, and I am happy to report that I am blissfully ignorant. Before social media became a "thing" (as we millennials say), I neither watched the news nor read the newspaper, and I generally had no idea of what was going on the world. It's true that ignorance is bliss-- the world is a scary place these days and I'm much calmer not being inundated with terror and tragedy at all moments of the day.
I am able to get my news from other outlets, like the amNew York which I pick up every morning on my way to work, and through various news websites. The news is objective (sort of), and I am able to avoid the angry diatribes and self-righteous holier-than-thou editorials which are intentionally inflammatory and provoking. Without these angry words infiltrating my mind on a daily basis, I find myself more focused on what I'm doing, and less worried about whether or not the thousands of people who are supposedly my "friends" because we met once will agree with me or offend me.
I'm also reading more. I don't know if this is a direct result of spending less time on Facebook, or just a coincidence, but I have definitely started reading again.
Last night, at our staff meeting with our RAs, two of the RAs mentioned events that they held for their residents, and explained that they had advertised for these events through Facebook. To this I responded, "I'm not on Facebook anymore." Two of my RAs replied "we miss you." One of them said "We know. Stop telling us."
He's right. I find myself at multiple points during the day explaining to others that I'm not on Facebook anymore. I think it stems from my desire to still be clued in to what's going on; my hope that others will remember to invite me to their events and keep me updated with their lives even though it may take a little more effort. In the case of this meeting-- I simply meant to remind my RAs that Facebook is not always the most effective tool for advertising for events.
We have a saying in the social work world, which like most other things in the social work world, is becoming somewhat mainstream: "You don't know what you don't know." When clients keep things from you, it's hard to know what questions to ask to elicit the information, because you're not even sure what information you're supposed to be looking for. When it comes to the rest of the world being on Facebook, I don't know what I don't know. I don't know what's going on or what I'm missing out on. So, I remain, blissfully ignorant.
I am able to get my news from other outlets, like the amNew York which I pick up every morning on my way to work, and through various news websites. The news is objective (sort of), and I am able to avoid the angry diatribes and self-righteous holier-than-thou editorials which are intentionally inflammatory and provoking. Without these angry words infiltrating my mind on a daily basis, I find myself more focused on what I'm doing, and less worried about whether or not the thousands of people who are supposedly my "friends" because we met once will agree with me or offend me.
I'm also reading more. I don't know if this is a direct result of spending less time on Facebook, or just a coincidence, but I have definitely started reading again.
Last night, at our staff meeting with our RAs, two of the RAs mentioned events that they held for their residents, and explained that they had advertised for these events through Facebook. To this I responded, "I'm not on Facebook anymore." Two of my RAs replied "we miss you." One of them said "We know. Stop telling us."
He's right. I find myself at multiple points during the day explaining to others that I'm not on Facebook anymore. I think it stems from my desire to still be clued in to what's going on; my hope that others will remember to invite me to their events and keep me updated with their lives even though it may take a little more effort. In the case of this meeting-- I simply meant to remind my RAs that Facebook is not always the most effective tool for advertising for events.
We have a saying in the social work world, which like most other things in the social work world, is becoming somewhat mainstream: "You don't know what you don't know." When clients keep things from you, it's hard to know what questions to ask to elicit the information, because you're not even sure what information you're supposed to be looking for. When it comes to the rest of the world being on Facebook, I don't know what I don't know. I don't know what's going on or what I'm missing out on. So, I remain, blissfully ignorant.
Friday, September 18, 2015
Day 6
So, today I'm bored. But I don't think I'd be any less bored if I was scrolling through Facebook. It'd be the same mindless scrolling, looking for something to keep my attention for the next 5 hours until I can go home.
The truth is, yesterday went by pretty quickly. I passed the time by emailing with friends (I'm having a pretty intense discussion with one friend via email about which Republican candidate would be the best for Israel), and Buzzfeed was full of fun articles to read. I rediscovered a website called freerice.org that donates 10 grains of rice to a hungry person for every question you get right in their quizzes. I've mostly been playing with English vocabulary, French vocab, and struggling through identifying countries based on their landmarks or flags. I'm pretty ignorant of the world, as it turns out. And, a few students came by to visit so I spent time talking with them as well.
I think the key to yesterday was that I actually went outside and met a friend for lunch. So I wasn't sitting at my computer desk for 8 hours straight, trying to entertain myself.
Now that my personal Facebook profile is deactivated, I'm getting a lot of invites and messages to my professional profile. I'm trying my best to ignore them, and to avoid scrolling through the Newsfeed, and I actually wish people would just leave me alone and that I could avoid seeing the things that are posted. I've actually been able to maintain a sense of calm by not logging into Facebook, and I'm trying to figure out how I can further isolate my professional account so that I can keep this sense of calm even when I have to post for work.
I'm definitely much more even tempered throughout the day, not distracted by articles or comments, and not consistently thinking about the things that people have said that I disagree with, or the things that I have said that people might respond negatively about. So far so good...
The truth is, yesterday went by pretty quickly. I passed the time by emailing with friends (I'm having a pretty intense discussion with one friend via email about which Republican candidate would be the best for Israel), and Buzzfeed was full of fun articles to read. I rediscovered a website called freerice.org that donates 10 grains of rice to a hungry person for every question you get right in their quizzes. I've mostly been playing with English vocabulary, French vocab, and struggling through identifying countries based on their landmarks or flags. I'm pretty ignorant of the world, as it turns out. And, a few students came by to visit so I spent time talking with them as well.
I think the key to yesterday was that I actually went outside and met a friend for lunch. So I wasn't sitting at my computer desk for 8 hours straight, trying to entertain myself.
Now that my personal Facebook profile is deactivated, I'm getting a lot of invites and messages to my professional profile. I'm trying my best to ignore them, and to avoid scrolling through the Newsfeed, and I actually wish people would just leave me alone and that I could avoid seeing the things that are posted. I've actually been able to maintain a sense of calm by not logging into Facebook, and I'm trying to figure out how I can further isolate my professional account so that I can keep this sense of calm even when I have to post for work.
I'm definitely much more even tempered throughout the day, not distracted by articles or comments, and not consistently thinking about the things that people have said that I disagree with, or the things that I have said that people might respond negatively about. So far so good...
Thursday, September 17, 2015
Day 5
Yesterday wasn't so bad-- I filled the Facebook void by spending more time on Buzzfeed and Instagram. Not the most "mindful" of activities, but I definitely was able to avoid the angry posts and inflammatory comments which scared me away from Faceobok to begin with. In the moment I didn't really notice a change my mood, but looking back on it, I can definitely see that I was able to scroll through Buzzfeed or Instagram without getting upset about peoples' posts or comments. I was more even-tempered and able to avoid the highs and lows of emotional entanglement in social media.
One of my biggest worries for this Facebook cleanse is that people who did not get the message about my exodus would discover my professional account and try to "friend" me on that account. I decided that if this occurs, I will simply refuse their friend request. I even changed my Facebook name on that account with the hope that I may be harder to find. Still, last night, I received a message from a resident of our dorm building, sent to that Facebook account. Since I don't check that account unless I get a notification, and the notifications are sent to my work email, I did not see the message until this morning when I arrived at work.
The resident, I guess after realizing that I did not get the message, had knocked on the door to my apartment last night to tell me in person the same thing that he had sent in the message. What really struck me was the idea that he seemed to think that I was sitting online, ready to respond at a moment's notice to anything that popped up. We are so reliant on our phones and social media, that we just expect instantaneous responses. This resident couldn't walk the few feet from his location to my apartment to deliver the message in person-- it was only after waiting a few minutes and not getting a response right away that he finally came to speak to me.
The truth is, I'm a little upset at the idea that all people are always connected to their devices all the time, and are sitting around with nothing better to do than to respond to other peoples' comments or messages. This is definitely not the way I want to live my life-- it seems a bit disrespectful of my time and space to just assume that I am always available and always responsive. This cleanse is helping me to realize that Facebook can prevent us from setting the boundaries we need to engage in self-care and to regroup so that we are 100% fresh and renewed for the next day.
One of my biggest worries for this Facebook cleanse is that people who did not get the message about my exodus would discover my professional account and try to "friend" me on that account. I decided that if this occurs, I will simply refuse their friend request. I even changed my Facebook name on that account with the hope that I may be harder to find. Still, last night, I received a message from a resident of our dorm building, sent to that Facebook account. Since I don't check that account unless I get a notification, and the notifications are sent to my work email, I did not see the message until this morning when I arrived at work.
The resident, I guess after realizing that I did not get the message, had knocked on the door to my apartment last night to tell me in person the same thing that he had sent in the message. What really struck me was the idea that he seemed to think that I was sitting online, ready to respond at a moment's notice to anything that popped up. We are so reliant on our phones and social media, that we just expect instantaneous responses. This resident couldn't walk the few feet from his location to my apartment to deliver the message in person-- it was only after waiting a few minutes and not getting a response right away that he finally came to speak to me.
The truth is, I'm a little upset at the idea that all people are always connected to their devices all the time, and are sitting around with nothing better to do than to respond to other peoples' comments or messages. This is definitely not the way I want to live my life-- it seems a bit disrespectful of my time and space to just assume that I am always available and always responsive. This cleanse is helping me to realize that Facebook can prevent us from setting the boundaries we need to engage in self-care and to regroup so that we are 100% fresh and renewed for the next day.
Wednesday, September 16, 2015
Day 4
I deactivated my Facebook account on Sunday morning, a little before 9:00am. Before doing so, I was able to download a zip file of all of the information that was on my profile, including all of my pictures, and save it to my desktop. This way, I didn't lose any of that information, and I'll be able to access it while offline.
With Sunday being erev Rosh Hashanah, Andy and I woke up early and drove back to Teaneck to complete all sorts of last minute tasks before the holiday. The truth is, I didn't even notice that I had deactivated my Facebook because I didn't have any time to check it. Since Monday and Tuesday were Rosh Hashanah, and I don't check Facebook on Shabbat or chaggim, today is the first "real" Facebook-less day.
Already, I'm noticing a difference. After chag, my first instinct was to log onto Facebook in order to see what I had missed. Luckily, I had enough unread emails and was so exhausted that I was able to distract myself from really missing Facebook. In that moment though, it felt a little bit like an addiction-- a mindless urge to reach for my phone and check an app, without even being aware of what I was doing. This is the behavior I'm hoping to change.
Last night, a friend texted me a link to a video she saw on Facebook, and in order to click on it, I had to be logged in. Somehow, the phone logged me into my "professional" Facebook page, which I only kept activated so that I could manage the Facebook page for my organization (as the resident "young person" on staff, I'm in charge of the social media). But it makes me worried that I might get emailed links which will require me to log into my personal Facebook account in order to read the article and see the video. I wanted a reprieve from social media, but not to become a social pariah.
This morning, I ran into a friend from high school while walking to work. We haven't really kept in touch, but she has recently moved to New York and we both agreed we'd like to get together to catch up. She said she'd reach out over Facebook-- I gave her my email address instead and told her I would send her my phone number. We were both rushing to get to our respective obligations, so I simply told her that the no-Facebook thing was a New Year's resolution. She wasn't too worried, and we agreed to get in touch after the chaggim.
It also occurred to me that when I see people on the street who I think are people that I know, I now no longer have an outlet for confirming whether or not that person is, indeed, in New York.
One last thing to note-- I follow a page on Facebook called Humans of New York, wherein an extremely talented photographer takes pictures of people throughout New York and gives them a platform to tell their stories. He finds people from all different walks of life and profiles them in a way that makes us feel connected to them and bettered for having shared a moment with them. The HONY Facebook page is often proclaimed as the page with the nicest comments on Facebook, and it's true-- the comments are extremely supportive and empathetic. I'm finding that the comments on the HONY Instagram feed are actually much less kind and not nearly as supportive. I was a little disappointed to realize this. And then I remembered the number one rule of the Internet-- never read the comments!
With Sunday being erev Rosh Hashanah, Andy and I woke up early and drove back to Teaneck to complete all sorts of last minute tasks before the holiday. The truth is, I didn't even notice that I had deactivated my Facebook because I didn't have any time to check it. Since Monday and Tuesday were Rosh Hashanah, and I don't check Facebook on Shabbat or chaggim, today is the first "real" Facebook-less day.
Already, I'm noticing a difference. After chag, my first instinct was to log onto Facebook in order to see what I had missed. Luckily, I had enough unread emails and was so exhausted that I was able to distract myself from really missing Facebook. In that moment though, it felt a little bit like an addiction-- a mindless urge to reach for my phone and check an app, without even being aware of what I was doing. This is the behavior I'm hoping to change.
Last night, a friend texted me a link to a video she saw on Facebook, and in order to click on it, I had to be logged in. Somehow, the phone logged me into my "professional" Facebook page, which I only kept activated so that I could manage the Facebook page for my organization (as the resident "young person" on staff, I'm in charge of the social media). But it makes me worried that I might get emailed links which will require me to log into my personal Facebook account in order to read the article and see the video. I wanted a reprieve from social media, but not to become a social pariah.
This morning, I ran into a friend from high school while walking to work. We haven't really kept in touch, but she has recently moved to New York and we both agreed we'd like to get together to catch up. She said she'd reach out over Facebook-- I gave her my email address instead and told her I would send her my phone number. We were both rushing to get to our respective obligations, so I simply told her that the no-Facebook thing was a New Year's resolution. She wasn't too worried, and we agreed to get in touch after the chaggim.
It also occurred to me that when I see people on the street who I think are people that I know, I now no longer have an outlet for confirming whether or not that person is, indeed, in New York.
One last thing to note-- I follow a page on Facebook called Humans of New York, wherein an extremely talented photographer takes pictures of people throughout New York and gives them a platform to tell their stories. He finds people from all different walks of life and profiles them in a way that makes us feel connected to them and bettered for having shared a moment with them. The HONY Facebook page is often proclaimed as the page with the nicest comments on Facebook, and it's true-- the comments are extremely supportive and empathetic. I'm finding that the comments on the HONY Instagram feed are actually much less kind and not nearly as supportive. I was a little disappointed to realize this. And then I remembered the number one rule of the Internet-- never read the comments!
Friday, September 11, 2015
A Funny Thing Happened As I Left Facebook
Today is my last "Facebook" Day. Although I haven't set a specific time for when I will leave Facebook on Sunday, it would only seem authentic to me if I spent most of the day without it. One last check for the remaining comments and posts, and then--deactivate. Plus, I'm sort of up against a deadline with Rosh Hashana starting Sunday night.
I have been extremely deliberate in preparing for my departure from the Facebook World. I brainstormed the reasons why I use Facebook (networking, news, nostalgia, keeping in touch with friends, remembering birthdays), and I brainstormed other methods of fulfilling those same needs. I went through each and every Facebook friend and wrote down the birthdays of the ones who really matter in my planner and my Google calendar. I even set reminders on my phone so I wouldn't forget them on their special day. I made sure to notify the people and groups who would miss my presence the most. I figured that any friend worth taking with me as I move on to become a new, mindful, intentional person, already had my contact information, or that I already had theirs.
But a funny thing happened that I was not prepared for. A number of friends, upon seeing my Facebook break up post, messaged me to give me their phone numbers. "Just in case" they said. Or, "so we can actually get that coffee." "Let's keep in touch." I did not have any of these friends' numbers in my phone already, and frankly, I was surprised and flattered by who was reaching out. It was an unexpected side effect of leaving, and it definitely made me feel valued. I was never really worried about whether anyone would notice my absence or miss me, but I now know that there are definitely some people who would. It does make me wonder, though, if we were serious about getting that coffee, why I didn't have their numbers to begin with... but each message definitely put a smile on my face.
The last thing, which I have not figured out what to do about, is the fact that all of my pictures from the past nine years are on Facebook. I don't even think I still have them saved on my computers, considering the number of computers I have gone through in that amount of time. I love looking through old pictures, so I think this will be what is hardest for me.
I have been extremely deliberate in preparing for my departure from the Facebook World. I brainstormed the reasons why I use Facebook (networking, news, nostalgia, keeping in touch with friends, remembering birthdays), and I brainstormed other methods of fulfilling those same needs. I went through each and every Facebook friend and wrote down the birthdays of the ones who really matter in my planner and my Google calendar. I even set reminders on my phone so I wouldn't forget them on their special day. I made sure to notify the people and groups who would miss my presence the most. I figured that any friend worth taking with me as I move on to become a new, mindful, intentional person, already had my contact information, or that I already had theirs.
But a funny thing happened that I was not prepared for. A number of friends, upon seeing my Facebook break up post, messaged me to give me their phone numbers. "Just in case" they said. Or, "so we can actually get that coffee." "Let's keep in touch." I did not have any of these friends' numbers in my phone already, and frankly, I was surprised and flattered by who was reaching out. It was an unexpected side effect of leaving, and it definitely made me feel valued. I was never really worried about whether anyone would notice my absence or miss me, but I now know that there are definitely some people who would. It does make me wonder, though, if we were serious about getting that coffee, why I didn't have their numbers to begin with... but each message definitely put a smile on my face.
The last thing, which I have not figured out what to do about, is the fact that all of my pictures from the past nine years are on Facebook. I don't even think I still have them saved on my computers, considering the number of computers I have gone through in that amount of time. I love looking through old pictures, so I think this will be what is hardest for me.
Thursday, September 10, 2015
The Preamble
"Hi Facebook. We need to talk. I don't think we should be together anymore. We want different things out of our relationship. We're just not on the same page anymore. It's not you, it's me. I just need some space. This just isn't what I'm looking for right now. I still care about you, but I don't love you anymore. Let's still be friends though...
I will be breaking up with Facebook on Sunday. Thanks for all of the memories. I will never forget you. <3"
That's the post I posted today to let everyone in my Facebook World know that I am deactivating my Facebook account in a few short days. This is a decision that I have been thinking about for a while, and I have finally decided to go through with it. It might seem that keeping a blog about my time away from Facebook is just another vehicle to serve the same narcissistic and self-absorbed tendencies that lead most people to post on social media in the first place, but the truth is-- I'm really worried about having nothing to do. And I'm really curious to see if I change as a person during this time, so this blog will help to keep track of my thoughts and experiences as I go along.
So, some background about the decision, and my goals for the cleanse:
Facebook has always been a useful tool for me, as I have many friends in many different states and countries worldwide, and I have always been terrible at keeping in touch with them. With Facebook, I can stay up to date with everyone's lives without ever having to speak with them (problem #1) and I can casually leave them messages without needing to devote time to a conversation. I've also historically been terrible at remembering birthdays (problem #2) which Facebook is extremely useful for. Lastly, I don't like to read the news because I don't enjoy being inundated with negativity and tragedy, so I usually skim Facebook and can pick up on the important stories without ever needing to open a newspaper or turn on the TV (problem #3).
The problem is that the Facebook I joined in my junior of high school is not the Facebook I am now a part of. The Facebook I joined was a fun way for kids to keep in touch, by sharing funny posts, pictures, or memories with each other, even if you were sitting in the same room together. I find that the posts today are mostly angry. People are angry about politics, they are angry about social justice issues, and they are just angry in general. Facebook has been amazing for the social justice fight and has allowed people to get involved and express their outrage where before they might not have had this outlet. But Facebook is also filled with hate. Where the old Facebook encouraged conversations, the new Facebook is more of a "my way is the only right way." It's less about dialogue and more about angry diatribe. This is not the Facebook I joined and it is not the Facebook I wish to be a part of.
I am hoping to stay away from Facebook for at least one month (September 13-October 13). This is a great time of year for me to leave Facebook because it is the Jewish High Holiday Season. During this time, we are encouraged to take a heshbon nefesh, or a self-assessment, of who we are and who we want to be. Being free of Facebook will help me to truly embrace this idea of self-reflection. And practically, with so many Jewish holidays right in a row, there won't be much time to check Facebook anyway, as internet use is forbidden on these holy days. I am hoping the month passes quickly.
In the spirit of heshbon nefesh and self-improvement, I am hoping that my time away from Facebook will help me to become a more mindful, intentional, and thoughtful person. I am also going to work on becoming a better friend-- one that has her friends' birthdays written down already and texts or calls them to keep in touch. Lastly, I need to work on keeping myself and the space around me positive.
I don't know, at this moment, whether I am done with Facebook for good, although I suspect that I am not. I'm mostly worried about being incredibly bored and having nothing to do... Life's a journey. Let's see how this one plays out!
I will be breaking up with Facebook on Sunday. Thanks for all of the memories. I will never forget you. <3"
That's the post I posted today to let everyone in my Facebook World know that I am deactivating my Facebook account in a few short days. This is a decision that I have been thinking about for a while, and I have finally decided to go through with it. It might seem that keeping a blog about my time away from Facebook is just another vehicle to serve the same narcissistic and self-absorbed tendencies that lead most people to post on social media in the first place, but the truth is-- I'm really worried about having nothing to do. And I'm really curious to see if I change as a person during this time, so this blog will help to keep track of my thoughts and experiences as I go along.
So, some background about the decision, and my goals for the cleanse:
Facebook has always been a useful tool for me, as I have many friends in many different states and countries worldwide, and I have always been terrible at keeping in touch with them. With Facebook, I can stay up to date with everyone's lives without ever having to speak with them (problem #1) and I can casually leave them messages without needing to devote time to a conversation. I've also historically been terrible at remembering birthdays (problem #2) which Facebook is extremely useful for. Lastly, I don't like to read the news because I don't enjoy being inundated with negativity and tragedy, so I usually skim Facebook and can pick up on the important stories without ever needing to open a newspaper or turn on the TV (problem #3).
The problem is that the Facebook I joined in my junior of high school is not the Facebook I am now a part of. The Facebook I joined was a fun way for kids to keep in touch, by sharing funny posts, pictures, or memories with each other, even if you were sitting in the same room together. I find that the posts today are mostly angry. People are angry about politics, they are angry about social justice issues, and they are just angry in general. Facebook has been amazing for the social justice fight and has allowed people to get involved and express their outrage where before they might not have had this outlet. But Facebook is also filled with hate. Where the old Facebook encouraged conversations, the new Facebook is more of a "my way is the only right way." It's less about dialogue and more about angry diatribe. This is not the Facebook I joined and it is not the Facebook I wish to be a part of.
I am hoping to stay away from Facebook for at least one month (September 13-October 13). This is a great time of year for me to leave Facebook because it is the Jewish High Holiday Season. During this time, we are encouraged to take a heshbon nefesh, or a self-assessment, of who we are and who we want to be. Being free of Facebook will help me to truly embrace this idea of self-reflection. And practically, with so many Jewish holidays right in a row, there won't be much time to check Facebook anyway, as internet use is forbidden on these holy days. I am hoping the month passes quickly.
In the spirit of heshbon nefesh and self-improvement, I am hoping that my time away from Facebook will help me to become a more mindful, intentional, and thoughtful person. I am also going to work on becoming a better friend-- one that has her friends' birthdays written down already and texts or calls them to keep in touch. Lastly, I need to work on keeping myself and the space around me positive.
I don't know, at this moment, whether I am done with Facebook for good, although I suspect that I am not. I'm mostly worried about being incredibly bored and having nothing to do... Life's a journey. Let's see how this one plays out!
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