Yesterday, a student of mine used my computer to log into his Facebook account to show me a picture of the piece of art he had created for a fundraiser at his school (he's very talented, btw), and in doing so, he logged me out of my "professional" Facebook account-- the one I use to maintain the Facebook page for my work. I figured I would just log back into that account when I need to post something on the Facebook page.
I figured wrong.
This morning, I received an email from Facebook letting me know that our Facebook page had a few "likes" and "views", but when I logged in to check it out, Facebook redirected me to my previously deactivated personal Facebook page-- without even prompting me for a password! I received an email welcoming me back, and I was face to face with my old account and all of the meshugas I have been trying to avoid for the past month and a half.
In the past couple weeks, I have really come to embrace my decision to leave Facebook. I feel freer and lighter, with more time to focus on the things I want to focus on, and while I know that people are posting ignorant, hateful things on Facebook, I don't have to see those posts. I no longer read a post and obsess about whether I should respond or not, and what I would say, and what that person might say back to me.
I'm not ready to go back.
And the sinking feeling in my stomach when I realized what had happened confirmed that.
So I re-deactivated my Facebook, for an unknown period of time! Here's to taking charge of my own experiences!
Friday, October 23, 2015
Friday, October 16, 2015
Day 34
30 Days has come and gone, and I have been so busy the past week that I haven't even had time to think about the fact that I'm not on Facebook anymore. I am feeling more focused and clearheaded, and in a way, less encumbered. I am enjoying being able to experience the world on my terms, in my time, when I'm ready for it. Sure, I hate it when people seem to know things that I don't know, because it was announced on Facebook, but I also like not having to deal with everyone's angry and annoying posts all the time. I think I'll keep this going for a little while longer, and see what happens. Who knows, maybe I'll even starting calling people on the phone!
Friday, October 9, 2015
Day 27
It's getting close to the end now, and I am not even really sure what the point of my little experiment was. I'm probably calmer and more focused during the day for not having to deal with peoples' pseudo-liberal political indignation, resentment, and finger pointing. I'm definitely not getting involved in discussions that upset me, or that I feel are not handled delicately enough. But, I'm also not any better of a person. I'm still turning on my computer and mindlessly typing in www.facebook.com before realizing what I'm doing and writing a different URL instead. Maybe it's habit or muscle memory, or maybe it's part of a bigger problem...
The question I keep coming back to, however, is how do I graciously return to Facebook, after I made such a public announcement about us breaking up? What will people think of me? I never said I was planning to stay away forever, but I didn't exactly tell people I'd be back either. The fact that I am concerned with what people will think of me and how they will react to my return lets me know that I'm not ready to enter that world again... but it's pretty lonely out here.
The question I keep coming back to, however, is how do I graciously return to Facebook, after I made such a public announcement about us breaking up? What will people think of me? I never said I was planning to stay away forever, but I didn't exactly tell people I'd be back either. The fact that I am concerned with what people will think of me and how they will react to my return lets me know that I'm not ready to enter that world again... but it's pretty lonely out here.
Wednesday, October 7, 2015
Day 25
The Jewish holiday season is finally over, and I have a few thoughts that I've been yearning to share.
Firstly, I am really starting to miss being on Facebook. I don't feel like I've become any more mindful than I was before, and I'm definitely not changing as a person. I haven't picked up a phone to call a friend even once during this whole time. I'm hoping I can just blame it on the crazy Jewish holiday season, but I know deep down that I'm at fault here. I have just been mindlessly wasting my time on other internet sites; the only difference is that I'm doing it alone, without a community of people to share my thoughts and discoveries with.
I have been strongly considering returning to Facebook after my little "cleanse" is over, and I have to say that I am disappointed. I had really hoped that I would be a strong hold out, discover that I loved being away from that world, and never go back!
Secondly, this past week, there was another devastating mass shooting--this time in Oregon. I am always deeply affected by tragedies such as this, and I truly hurt as if I was somehow directly connected to the victims, even though, so far, I have had no personal connection... It's part of being a Highly Sensitive Person, or HSP (you can read more here: http://hsperson.com/) I think this is one of the many reasons Facebook has become too overwhelming for me.
Usually, in the wake of tragedies like this one, people take to social media to express their outrage and indignation. Some people post in memory of the victims or in solidarity with the community, but a lot of people use Facebook as a platform to condemn the status quo and call for change. Often, these calls for change are misguided.
If I were on Facebook, this is what I would have seen while scrolling through my newsfeed this past week:
1. Many, many news articles and images of the event
2. People condemning people posting news articles that mention the shooter's name, and instead posting names and background about the victims.
3. People calling for gun law reform.
4. People condemning those calling for gun law reform, telling them they shouldn't make this a political issue and should express their support for the victims and community.
5. People calling for changes in the way we handle mental health in this country.
6. People condemning those calling for changes in the way we handle mental health...
Facebook, which could be used as a community of support in a dark time, becomes a battle ground, with each person more liberally self-righteous than the next. By not being on Facebook, I was able to read the news articles I wanted to read, when I wanted to read them, and to avoid the opinionated backlash. This was definitely something I appreciated about NOT being on Facebook, even if it means I miss out on the fun stuff like listicles and videos of cats.
Firstly, I am really starting to miss being on Facebook. I don't feel like I've become any more mindful than I was before, and I'm definitely not changing as a person. I haven't picked up a phone to call a friend even once during this whole time. I'm hoping I can just blame it on the crazy Jewish holiday season, but I know deep down that I'm at fault here. I have just been mindlessly wasting my time on other internet sites; the only difference is that I'm doing it alone, without a community of people to share my thoughts and discoveries with.
I have been strongly considering returning to Facebook after my little "cleanse" is over, and I have to say that I am disappointed. I had really hoped that I would be a strong hold out, discover that I loved being away from that world, and never go back!
Secondly, this past week, there was another devastating mass shooting--this time in Oregon. I am always deeply affected by tragedies such as this, and I truly hurt as if I was somehow directly connected to the victims, even though, so far, I have had no personal connection... It's part of being a Highly Sensitive Person, or HSP (you can read more here: http://hsperson.com/) I think this is one of the many reasons Facebook has become too overwhelming for me.
Usually, in the wake of tragedies like this one, people take to social media to express their outrage and indignation. Some people post in memory of the victims or in solidarity with the community, but a lot of people use Facebook as a platform to condemn the status quo and call for change. Often, these calls for change are misguided.
If I were on Facebook, this is what I would have seen while scrolling through my newsfeed this past week:
1. Many, many news articles and images of the event
2. People condemning people posting news articles that mention the shooter's name, and instead posting names and background about the victims.
3. People calling for gun law reform.
4. People condemning those calling for gun law reform, telling them they shouldn't make this a political issue and should express their support for the victims and community.
5. People calling for changes in the way we handle mental health in this country.
6. People condemning those calling for changes in the way we handle mental health...
Facebook, which could be used as a community of support in a dark time, becomes a battle ground, with each person more liberally self-righteous than the next. By not being on Facebook, I was able to read the news articles I wanted to read, when I wanted to read them, and to avoid the opinionated backlash. This was definitely something I appreciated about NOT being on Facebook, even if it means I miss out on the fun stuff like listicles and videos of cats.
Thursday, October 1, 2015
Day 19
I have been thinking lately about the way social media is helping regular people, doing regular things, become famous. People are being noticed for doing things that happen often, like being proud to be themselves, being kind to other people, standing up for each other, or reuniting with lost friends and family (which, by the way, is happening with the help of Facebook and social media). It's crazy the way that the internet and social media are inundating us with the details and complexities of regular people's lives.
What is the cost of this sudden fame, for people who are just living their lives and being regular people doing regular things? And what is our role, the consumers, in all of this? It's nice to see heart warming stories about people standing up for others or not being afraid to love themselves, because the news is filled with anger, sadness, and tragedy. But what does it say about society that the internet has the power to make people famous simply because some people like or agree with a person's message? Is this a side effect of the narcissism that millenials and those who grew up with internet are accused of having? Or is this something more, something deeply moving and personal, allowing people to connect with each other's experiences when we previously thought we were alone? Is it inspirational, or is it sad?
I clearly have more questions about this than answers. I'm not sure how I feel, except that I know that without Facebook, it's a lot harder for me to keep up with rapidly changing pop culture.
What is the cost of this sudden fame, for people who are just living their lives and being regular people doing regular things? And what is our role, the consumers, in all of this? It's nice to see heart warming stories about people standing up for others or not being afraid to love themselves, because the news is filled with anger, sadness, and tragedy. But what does it say about society that the internet has the power to make people famous simply because some people like or agree with a person's message? Is this a side effect of the narcissism that millenials and those who grew up with internet are accused of having? Or is this something more, something deeply moving and personal, allowing people to connect with each other's experiences when we previously thought we were alone? Is it inspirational, or is it sad?
I clearly have more questions about this than answers. I'm not sure how I feel, except that I know that without Facebook, it's a lot harder for me to keep up with rapidly changing pop culture.
Wednesday, September 30, 2015
Day 18
Ok, now I'm starting to feel like I'm missing out on something... This past Sunday night there was a lunar eclipse, which resulted in the moon appearing red for a little while. It was the kind of cool astronomy event that happens very rarely, and I had no idea about it until it was too late. I would have gone to bed completely ignorant, but I was on duty in my residence hall, which meant that I was hanging out in our lounge with the residents who were all talking about "seeing the moon." When I asked how everyone knew that it was happening, they told me "Facebook." Pictures of the event are all over the internet now.
For the past three days, I felt like I was hiding in a little hole dug in the ground, away from technology and social media, since it was the holiday of Sukkot where the use of these things are forbidden. Last night, after the holiday ended, I was thrilled to reemerge and greet society. It seems, however, that my highly anticipated return was not as triumphant as I had imagined-- Since I'm not on Facebook, it didn't really feel like I was reemerging into anything. It actually sort of still feels like I'm hiding in that hole.
Sure, I am freely browsing the internet, checking my email, texting friends, and keeping up with Instagram, but it somehow still feels like I'm tucked away in a hidden corner of society... I guess when I left Facebook, I was giving up the good with the bad.
For the past three days, I felt like I was hiding in a little hole dug in the ground, away from technology and social media, since it was the holiday of Sukkot where the use of these things are forbidden. Last night, after the holiday ended, I was thrilled to reemerge and greet society. It seems, however, that my highly anticipated return was not as triumphant as I had imagined-- Since I'm not on Facebook, it didn't really feel like I was reemerging into anything. It actually sort of still feels like I'm hiding in that hole.
Sure, I am freely browsing the internet, checking my email, texting friends, and keeping up with Instagram, but it somehow still feels like I'm tucked away in a hidden corner of society... I guess when I left Facebook, I was giving up the good with the bad.
Friday, September 25, 2015
Day 13
I'm still not completely free of the impulse to log into Facebook. I catch myself reaching for my phone, with an intent to check Facebook, before I remember that I deactivated my account. And when I type in websites to visit online, I often find myself absent-mindedly typing in "facebook.com", although I always catch and correct myself before it's too late!
As I was going through my friend list, before I left Facebook, in order to record and remember peoples' birthdays, I was struck by just how many people I'm friends with on Facebook, who were actually not nice to me as a child. These are people who either never spoke to me, or were mean to me when we did interact. Why on Earth would these people want to be friends with me on Facebook? Do they actually care about me and what's going on in my life? And why did I bother to accept their friend requests? Did I think I was somehow being the bigger person, more mature?
People from camp are the biggest culprit. People who never even said two words to me when I was a camper in their edah found me and friended me on Facebook. We still never speak, and I can't imagine that they are all that interested in what I have to share. If and when I reactivate my Facebook account, I will have to do a thorough cleanse of the negative people in my Facebook world, keeping just those who truly care about me on my list of friends.
As I was going through my friend list, before I left Facebook, in order to record and remember peoples' birthdays, I was struck by just how many people I'm friends with on Facebook, who were actually not nice to me as a child. These are people who either never spoke to me, or were mean to me when we did interact. Why on Earth would these people want to be friends with me on Facebook? Do they actually care about me and what's going on in my life? And why did I bother to accept their friend requests? Did I think I was somehow being the bigger person, more mature?
People from camp are the biggest culprit. People who never even said two words to me when I was a camper in their edah found me and friended me on Facebook. We still never speak, and I can't imagine that they are all that interested in what I have to share. If and when I reactivate my Facebook account, I will have to do a thorough cleanse of the negative people in my Facebook world, keeping just those who truly care about me on my list of friends.
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